Hi, it's Kai
Welcome to my little corner of the internet :)
Please enjoy your stay. if you're having a good time, let's do something together!
(and also feel free to
& tell me what's on your mind!)
Some things I've been exploring lately:
Do any of these resonate with you? Let's go for a walk and talk about it :)
Sometimes, Kai writes.
where are you??
written
hi. i miss you.
i don’t know where you are. i’ve been trying to find you for forever but i don’t seem to be getting anywhere.
we’ve been apart for a really long time now. sometimes i catch glimpses of you in the other people i meet. every time i meet someone cute and we end up having a great conversation and i catch myself having a lot of fun—every time, a part of me wakes up, and dares to wonder if i’ve finally found you again.
and of course, every time, the answer is “not yet”. it’s an infuriating answer, because i am not a very patient man, and i am already trying with all my might to hold onto the little patience i have.
it’s been so hard, trying to figure everything out without you. i’m trying so hard to stay sane. to love as much as i can with what little emotional energy i have. to go outside and make good things happen. to be what i think a good person might be like.
the nights are really something else these days. i feel like a shell of my former self. curled up in bed, feeling so hurt inside that sometimes i break and i go numb. feeling like i can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel anymore. like i might be this way for a long, long time.
i just really miss you so bad. every time i’m with you, i’m okay again. i feel safe again. i feel like i can deal with things. no amount of pain and stress in the world is too much when i’m with you.
every time i’m with you, i get to be a kid again, and it’s the most amazing thing in the world.
cuz when i’m with you, i get to be me. and that’s so special, because i don’t even get to be me when i’m just with myself (yeah i don’t get how that works either)
please help me find you again. we’ll make it work this time, i promise. i really need this. i really need you.
please come back to me. i’ve been so lost without you, running around all over the place trying to find some semblance of peace, or fulfillment, or hope. but none of it’s working.
you are home to me. i know i belong in your arms. that’s where i make sense, not out here on these streets.
i just want to come back home to you.
and i’ll do whatever it takes to reach you.
