Hi, it's Kai
Welcome to my little corner of the internet :)
Please enjoy your stay. if you're having a good time, let's do something together!
(and also feel free to
& tell me what's on your mind!)
Some things I've been exploring lately:
Do any of these resonate with you? Let's go for a walk and talk about it :)
Sometimes, Kai writes.
pov: you are a human
written
tonight, at the church
i stepped back from a false performance
a perfectionistic dance that masked my sensitivity
soulless, without the realness of vulnerability
i began again, eyes closed.
i’m not here to perform,
i’m here to feel something.
to allow all that is right in front of me.
to allow my fear
to allow my embarrassment
to allow my awkwardness
to allow my desire
to allow this imperfectness
to break my own facade
the one i put up to avoid the possibility of the pain of rejection
this imperfectness is humanness
the crying before the laughter
if i like her then i can just feel it and allow her to impact me
if i want to dance with her then i can just go over and look at her and dance
if she breaks my gaze then i’ll falter and that’s human too
if she pulls away then i’ll hurt and that’s human too
if i trip over myself as i dance then i’ll laugh and that’s human too
if we dance and i feel connected and get scared by the intimacy, then i’ll bite my lip and look into her eyes and that’s human too
it’s okay if i take off this mask and find underneath that i’m just a human
which means of course that i will stumble and fall
and i’ll hurt and i’ll cry
and i’ll laugh and get back up
i watched her as she danced
and the emotions stirred up behind my eyes
and every part of me was begging for me to look away and protect myself.
so i crossed the floor and went up to her, and we danced.
when i am dying, who will i share the crazy story of this lifetime with?
who will be there to understand the hope and the sadness in my yearning,
all those cliffs i jumped off and hurricanes i sailed through
who will understand all the long nights and the hopeful mornings
and the impossible moments where i made it out the other side?
a lifetime’s dose of a perspective only i will ever get to see.
this desire to feel fully seen, a feeling that i know only i can give myself
maybe when i am dying, only i will really understand what it has meant to live this life.
and maybe for some reason that will be enough.
