hi, it's kai

i begin again, every day

all i know is this constant change

this psychedelic trip that never ended

this rollercoaster ride i just never got off

and i refuse to close my eyes for the ride—

i have to stay open

through all its up and downs and loops and twists

every turn, a new perspective—

have you ever seen the world upside down from a hundred feet above?

every day is an opportunity to do something bold—

to surprise yourself

to find new clarity

to choose your destiny

to call your mom

to ask your friends for help

to show yourself love

to stand still, and admire the beauty that surrounds you

to find yourself, again

to right old wrongs

to write new endings to the same old stories we like to tell ourselves about who we are and what we're capable of

but of course, there is also that lingering fear...

of being a fraud

of losing control

of hurting people we love

of all the ways that everything could go so wrong.

but fear is an old friend that i greet in the bathroom mirror every morning with a smile

that double flip in my belly as the rollercoaster plummets

the thrill of truly living, of making choices that matter

fear lets me know that i'm taking life seriously.

and so let me face my day full well knowing how it could all go so wrong

all that matters to me, is that i try earnestly

and as long as i try, i'll be at peace—

all the rest is just butterflies and hurricanes to me

(kai is trying)