Hi, it's Kai

hi it’s me it’s kai

it’s late at night

and my heart is aching again

it does this thing where every so often it reminds me that there’s nobody that i’m deeply emotionally connected to and then throws a bit of a tantrum about it

it’s not great but i deal with it

happens like a couple times of week

kinda not ideal i know

but like mm what can i do amirite

sigh

it’s hard for me to live without love. i am trying my best out here. but it’s still really really hard.

i’m not sure if there’s anything to do about it. i know i’m struggling but i feel like there’s only one thing i can do; i just have to push through

anyways. it’s been a while so i thought i’d write a bit and just be like heyo. i exist. i’m still here. i’m still hurting but i’m here

i’m still doing my best.

at least i can say that.

i guess that’s all i can do!

on a side note, i really need to learn about dating. how guys approach dating. the good ones, not the gross ones.

oh—there’s a thought. do i count as a good guy? people seem to say so. maybe i can ask some people to help me get this figured out

i guess i should ask people for love advice. why not, right? what’s the worst that could happen

if there’s a god out there, please send me a sign, okay? i just want hope. i just want to know that i’ll be home soon. i just want to go home to somebody i love. it’s been 2 years since i’ve been home and fuck do i miss it so fucking hard. it’s been a looong 2 years. even just thinking about it starts the waterworks.

it’s been a long road trip for me. i’ve seen a lot of things. i know what i want now.

please just help me find my way home. it would mean the world to me. it would mean so friggin much to be reunited with someone that makes me feel warm inside, someone that i can play with, someone i can feel safe with, someone who will make me feel at home. that’s really all i want.